Just so you know....

The cops will. not. pull you over if you actually go the speed limit. I promise. Even if you pass them on the freeway. This is a trick they pull, I swear, to back up the already horrible traffic we have here in Seattle. They slow way, way down for no reason, everyone slams on their brakes so they don't pass the cop.

Guess what?

Not me, folks. No fucking way. I throw on the cruise control and rock it at 60, just like the sign says. And I have never been pulled over for flying by a cop who is trolling at 45-50. Never.

So speed up. They cannot do anything if you are obeying the law. Just stay off your cell phone without a hands free devise. That is totally illegal in Washington.

The problem is this

So as I kindly mentioned earlier, we saw the 6th installment of Harry Potter the other day. And for as awesome as that was, I have a few huge HUGE issues with not just this movie, but all of them. Maybe they are problems for you as well.

1. My biggest problem almost sends me in a murderous rage (especially with all the extra hormones floating around my body right now) every time I watch the movies. WHY THE FUCK ARE HARRY'S EYES BLUE IN THE FUCKING MOVIE WHEN SUCH A BIG DAMN DEAL IS MADE ABOUT HOW HE HAS LILLY'S GREEN EYES. Am I right? Yes, I am right. Every book talks about how his green eyes are the only thing he got from his poor mom. Is it that fucking difficult to put some damn green contacts on his already blue eyes? It's not like he has dark brown eyes like me, which makes it pretty close to impossible to make them any other real color (violet eyes DO NOT happen on their own, people, you aren't fooling anyone). If my precious 3rd husband, Robert Pattinson, can put up with those horrendous yellow contacts, Harry Fucking Potter can put some green ones in, too. Yeesh, it's not rocket science, people.
2. Find a place for Hagrid's cabin, and leave it there. In the first movie, it was way close to the castle. Same in the second. Then a new director comes in for the 3rd movie, and POW, Hagrid's hut is way the fuck down the hill. Of course, then it was more accurately where it was portrayed in the book, but still. And they changed it again.
3. Same goes for the Weasley house. Every time you do this, it pisses people off. Stop it. You are just making us mad.
4. Where do they get off just making up stuff for the movie? The beginning of this last one was out of nowhere. It would never have happened in the book because of the fear of the Death Eaters. I won't say more because I don't want to ruin it for some of you, but once you see it, you'll know what I mean.
5. They have left so. much. stuff. out of the movies, I don't know why they feel the need to make the 7th book into 2 movies. Oh, wait. They are doing it to make more money. Fucking assholes.

All in all, I love the books. I watched the first movie before I read the book, and loved it. Then I read the book, and for sure, that is the movie that followed the book almost perfectly. I understood why they left certain stuff out. I then watched the 2nd movie (my least favorite), and read the book after. Although the 2nd book is my least favorite as well, I still like the book much more than the movie. They did OK with the 3rd movie, they had to replace one of the main characters because he died in real life, and the new guy just doesn't fit to me, but what other option do they have. And that is when the set changed as well.

After the second movie, I read the rest of the series and waited in eager anticipation for the last 2 books. I stood in line for the 12:01 showing with one of Jay's best friends eagerly. And was flat out pissed when I left the theater. Both McLean and I were. Why? are you movie people messing around with us?

I have given up going to the theaters because I am just spending money to be pissed. And compare it to the book for hours and find all the faults and changes. And let's face it, my kids can piss me off for free at home.

This last movie was good, if you had no idea what went on in the books. Mason has never read any of them, so he was completely thrilled. I was, too, but it was short lived. Jay and I started going over stuff yesterday, and it just kept going.

Do any of you feel this way, too? Do you notice any things they are doing that just seems so wrong?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I just wanted to brag that my totally awesome and hot husband got us ADVANCED SCREENING PASSES to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and it was TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mason, Jay, and myself went, and were even given gift cards for the snack bar, so we totally loaded up on candy, popcorn, and extremely large sodas.

I am so thankful that he works for a company that gets us great things like this, and that his boss didn't want to go. Because of her lack of love for Harry Potter, we got to enjoy the movie before everyone else.

As we left, there was already a line for the 12:01 showing of the movie. We kind of wanted to rub it in their faces that we are so cool and saw it already, but we didn't.





In other news, the surgery is planned, I have YET to kill anyone in a hormonal rage, and I have been without Internet for over a week. I am thankful my mother watched the kids tonight so I could check my email and write this post. I only had over 100 emails to read and respond to. Awesome. So until I get Internet back (hopefully tonight), later gators!

Grrr

If I don't get in for surgery soon, I am gonna kill someone.

I have been on progesterone for about a week now, and I am either crying over absolutely nothing, or ready to rip someones head off for not closing the graham cracker box (true story, my son is totally traumatized).

I almost beat down all the stupid bitches at the movies this very morning because they brought their g.d. stupid babies, who cried through the whole fucking thing. No kidding. I had to grip tightly onto the arm rests or I would have stood up and yelled to the whole fucking theater:

SHUT YOUR FUCKING BABIES UP BEFORE I SHUT THEM UP FOR YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORES. I DON'T CARE IF IT IS A FREE MOVIE, COMMON COURTESY DICTATES THAT IF YOUR BABY CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU GET OFF YOUR STUPID FAT ASS AN REMOVE THE BABY FROM THE THEATER. FUCKING RETARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, if I hadn't figured we would have been banned from the theater, along with all the other Regal theaters, I would have done so. Plus, I had the feeling Jay would not have appreciated taking a leave of absence from the hospital to care for our kids while I was on a court-ordered stay at the loony bin.

I just have to get through a few weeks of this craziness and then it will be over. Once I have the ablation, my monthly cycles will either go away or slow way way way down. And then I can have the hysterectomy when I am 35. I just need this to get me there.

But until I have this procedure, I am stuck on the crazy pills. And my poor children get to see mommy go a little nuts. Luckily, Jay gets the brunt of my anger, and he is a big enough boy to understand that it's not personal, it's hormonal. He can either like it, or divorce me.

And that is just too much money. So he'll deal.

If no one else will say it, I will.

I don't give a fuck that Michael Jackson died.

There, I said it. Rant and rave all you want now.







OK, so honestly, a week ago, I'm sure all of us said these words, somehow strung together to make a funny ass joke: Michael Jackson, penis, little boys, freak of nature.

So what, now that he's dead, we are all supposed to forget he liked to fuck around with little boys? Do we forget all that and put up tributes to him all over like he was a damn saint?

Let's keep it real here, folks. None of you would leave your kid alone with that guy for one second. None of you. Admit it. Be honest. I feel a little safer knowing one less child molester is walking around.

I am so right and you all know it.

I get that he was HUGE as hell. In the fucking 80's, people, get the fuck over it. He had a blip of fame in the 90's, but honestly, he's been mostly a joke, literally, since Bad came out.

I know he was found "not guilty", but what about the other kids he bought off. We all know he did something, although we may argue what that "something" was.

Let's get some facts straight right now.

1. He admittedly let little boys, not of his family, sleep in his bed.
   
2. He lived on Neverland Ranch. Hello, Peter Pan complex.
3. He had an amusement park in his back yard.
   
4. He had a pet monkey name Bubbles.
5. He purposely did that to his face. Again, ON FUCKING PURPOSE!
6. He wore pajamas to court.
7. He danced on his fucking car. Like a jackass.
8. He hung his baby out a window.
9. He made me vomit when he showed PDA with Lisa Marie on live t.v.
10. He made his kids wear masks.
11. He named his children after himself. All 3 of them have Michael somewhere in there.
    

I don't hate the guy for all those reasons, I dislike him for most of them, though.

I am sad that those poor kids lost their dad. Now they are stuck with a whole lot of fucked up family members. Or that waste of space Debbie Rowe. The bright side is that they may be able to ditch the masks.

You. Must. Go. Here.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure, you simply MUST go visit my husband over at his page. I promise, you will not be disappointed AT ALL!

His month of torture is almost up, and although it has been nice sharing some of my favorite movies with him (Twilight and Sex and the City, being the highlights), I feel that I have been tortured as well. No one, and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart, should ever have to sit through Mama Mia!. Listening to poor James Bond sing was torturous and mean. The U.S. should use that as their new form of punishment, without a doubt. I am not supposed to drink, and I figured puking up blood was worth it if the liquor could numb the pain in my eyes and ears. I'm not even kidding.

We did go out on Friday night. We saw Star Trek and ate at Bada Sushi. I was not that excited to watch Star Trek, but thought Jay deserved a movie that did not include women bitching about men and fucking up their lives for men and stuff. But I was quite surprised with how much I enjoyed this film. Jay was so happy, and that made the night even better for me. And the sushi we had before the movie was great. We are never disappointed with Bada. They have the best Las Vegas rolls. We also went to Central Market and loaded up my very large purse with sodas, Pocky, gummy candy, and Moonstruck chocolates. I refuse to be ass raped by the movie theater by spending $20 on a small popcorn, soda, and candy. We ended our night rocking out to Rock Band. I fucking rock, by the way.

Unfortunately, Jay did not get lucky, since Aunt Flow tidal waved into our lives. I spent all of Saturday flat on the couch, curled up with a heating pad and downing 6 222's at a time. I could not even walk without crying because the pain in my lower back and lady region was so painful. I tried starting dinner, and ended up throwing myself into Jay's lap in tears. He was nice enough (and maybe a bit scared enough) to offer to make dinner so I could have a lie down. I woke up off and on throughout the night to move the heating pad from my back to my front. Dressing up my husband was the highlight of my whole day.

Today, after I finish up some work for my friend, Melissa, and Jay mows the lawn and cleans the bathroom, we are packing the kids and a picnic lunch into the car to drive to the beach. We all deserve some time outside in the beautiful weather. If only my cramps would fuck off, I'd feel much better about leaving the couch.

Should we spend or save it?

So my mommy gave Jay and I $100 for our wedding anniversary. I personally think she made a bet with someone that we wouldn't make it that long since we bicker (or fight, depending on who you ask) 24-7 and call each other dirty, foul names. But, whatever, she gave it to us, so I don't care.

Well, the thing is, we really, really should put it in the bank and use it to pay bills or buy food. I mean, we are a single family home, and we've got these 3 kids that seem to think they NEED to eat 3 meals a day, plus snacks. And they seem to enjoy sleeping indoors, and having lights and a t.v., so the responsible thing to do would be to put it towards stuff like that.

But my husband works his ass off 5 days a week and then comes home and writes for another company (that is 3 weeks behind in paying him one check, and 2 days late on another check, and probably will be late on the next check, and if I could get away with writing a whole blog about how shitty and dumb this company is and how I would go totally postal on the lying bitchbags that work for this shithole, I totally would), and then he's been watching a whole month of vagina movies to make you all happy, and then blogging about it. You get the point, my husband is busy busy busy to put organic fruits and veggies on the table for our family. He deserves a night off with his awesome wife.

And I have had a lot going on, too. The life of a stay at home mom is spent mostly in the car. Like today I delivered 50 soccer balls to the Shoreline schools because that is what my job on the board is. And I still have to write up templates for my best friends business and get approval before posting them. And I need to bake cookies to take to my friend who is so kindly watching my spawn so I can go out with my tired, over-worked husband, and maybe put out. I've painted 66 hands in kindergarten to make fish shirts for a field trip, baby-sat kids, attended a fitness night at a local school so I could hand out flyer's for our soccer club, and I've also been looking into summer programs for our kids, along with calling and filling out forms for the classes they'll take.

We deserve this night out. We never go anywhere without our kids. Unless you count the grocery store, but that is usually just me. And that is just sad that I consider the grocery store my escape from the kids, right. And my mom said to spend it on something for us.

And Jay really wants to see Star Trek, he's been waiting oh so patiently, and had put it aside thinking he would have to wait until it came out on DVD before he could see it. And I really really really want to have a dinner I didn't make.

Like sushi from Bada Sushi. Mmmmmm, Las Vegas rolls.

What do you think? Spend it on me and my man by doing a real date night just for us, to celebrate the fact we are still together and neither has killed the other yet?

Or put it in the bank and save it?