Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Step away from him, ho

Paris Hilton is a worthless waste of space, money, and air. I have felt this way since I saw the clips of her horrible homemade porno (here's a hint, ho, when a man is having sex with you, don't answer your phone. another hint, stop checking yourself out in the mirror. how can anyone that looks at themselves that much NOT notice that have a wonky eye, and how can someone that absurdly rich NOT get it fixed?)

But I am ready to hop the next flight to L.A. to make sure she keeps her STD infested body away from my crush.

She has recently stated that her newest crush is on our Twilight man, Edward. HO, STEP AWAY FROM HIM OR YOU'LL LOSE A HAND.

Ladies, are we going to let that horrible human being take the man of our fantasies away from us?

Because, face it, the minute we find out she had sex with him, he will forever be tainted in our eyes, right. Nothing good can ever come from dating Paris Hilton. She has and will continue to sleep with pretty much anything. She will continue to collect STD's like a little kid collects baseball cards.

I know, I know, I know, that Robert Pattinson is not really Edward Cullen. I know that Edward Cullen is a purely fictional character. I know vampires don't exist (besides if they did, I would not be their idea of a good "mate", I would look like a meal, a nice, juicy meal).

This does not stop me from wishing it was real. It does not stop me from wanting to run her over before she messes up my fantasy.

She is a celebrity, she runs in those huge circles of idiots. She has the means to meet him. She has the ability (shockingly) to keep getting men to sleep with her. She could call him up tomorrow, if she really wanted to. And if he is stupid, he could agree to meet her and could even agree to stick his wang in her disease factory.

Damn, men are too easy.

9 comments:

Beth said...

OH

NO

SHE

DI"INT!

Step Off Ho Bag!!!!

I know he's not Edward too, but oh how I wish her were....and I would be a vampire in a heartbeat!!!!

Real Live Lesbian said...

I like girls and I wouldn't touch her with someone else's dick!

Skank...stay away from the man these women want! Is there a sexy co-star? :)

Ryan said...

You'd like to think that these famous dudes would have enough sense to stay away from her and her petri dish, but alcohol and attention make people do dumb things.

Jay said...

Something tells me that you needn't worry about this guy touching anyone who doesn't have a throbbing cock.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Don't feel bad, Bride of McFatty. Dyckerson is here for you!

The Caffeinatrix said...

Wasn't her fifteen minutes over, like, a couple years and ten tiny dogs ago?

Crystal said...

OMG

she is ruining it!!!!
she is ruining it!!!!

let's jump her after school.

edward cullen IS real.

Sassy Blondie said...

I met that skag once when she came to the school in LA to pick up her worthless little brother, Baron. Yes, that's HIS NAME. She walked up with some short guy carrying her purse while our security kept the paps off the premises. Then she says, "Uh, can you go get my brother?" My answer: "Who's your brother?" That kept the wheel in her head spinning long enough for me to walk away...

But back to your complaint...if beautiful RP/EC would even touch that with a 20 ft pole, then he's dead to me anyway....

Kelly said...

I lose respect and attraction for all the guys that think THAT is attractive. If he falls for that disgusting sleeze, he drops down a huge amount of notches in my book. blech