Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What's grosser than gross?

In my husbands mind, anything that has to do with a period is gross. He almost throws up when a pad or tampon commercial comes on.

And I find it hilarious that he can make tons of sexual innuendo's for almost anything, but whenever I bring up a period slang, he turns green and begs me to stop.

Have you ever wondered why there are a million and one terms for ejaculating, farting, queefing, having sex, blow jobs, going southern, penises, vagina's, etc., etc., but very few for periods. Men, obviously, come up with terms for things, but just lose heart for periods.

Here are a few terms I think us women should use frequently, if for no other reason than to disgust our men. I know I have been totally grossed out tons of times by some of the things that come out of my husbands mouth, now it's payback time!

  • Aunt Flow
  • Riding the crimson wave
  • Red Raging
  • Pussy Purge
  • Lava Flow
OK, so there aren't many that I can remember. Ladies, help me out here. What are more terms we can use.

Payback!

13 comments:

Megkathleen said...

I am definitely going to start calling my period the Pussy Purge. That is pure genius.

Christie said...

Why, thank you. I actually came up with that all by myself. My husbands crudeness has rubbed off on me.

Ryan said...

I honestly feel ill and uncomfortable reading about this It is so gross I can't even end a sentence now

Christie said...

Now you know how we feel when you talk about rip in the rugs or trouser snakes.

Beth said...

I agree with megkathleen....I will now be using pussy purge!!!!

Jay said...

Stolen, but funny:

# Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara

# Trolling for Vampires

# A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy

# Saddling Old Rusty

# Feelin' Menstru-riffic!

# Clean-Up in Aisle One

# Massacre at the Y

# T-Minus 9 Months and Holding

# Game Day for the Crimson Tide

# Panty Shields Up, Captain!

# Taking Carrie to the Prom

# Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band

# Ordering l'Omelette Rouge

# Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp

# Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

You did, however, leave out my least favorite -- "on the rag." Guh. I need a shower now.

Chris said...

For the ladies: Red Storm Rising

For the men: Wearing the Red Sombrero

random moments said...

Holy crap, I think I may have turned green at "Pussy Purge". Won't keep me from using that in front of my J though. Pfft.

How about "Hey baby, you want to make a trip to the Blood Bank?" Bleh.

Btw, you and your hubby are hilarious. Two words: Reality Show. Me and my J always say we need cameras following us with some of the shit we come up with. I'm sending your names in to a few producers...

Marcia said...

Your post made me think of this post from my friend's blog:
http://joemuto.tumblr.com/post/47844396/riding-the-crimson-wave

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm too enamored with Pussy Purge! LOL

Crankyputz said...

I love Meg suggestion!

Kelly said...

hahaha I hate the different slang fraises for periods. bleh! :-P

but...

I have to find a new one, because my man HATES the word 'period' (and 'panty', funny enough). It's freaking hysterical. He actually gets pissed, just hearing it. It's like calling a girl a cunt... his face glows with hatred.

So, I need a lady like way of saying I have my period, without saying I have my period. I'm thinking Aunt Flo is the way to go, here.

FilmFemme said...

This might be kind of dated but how about "Watching Red Dawn"?