Here are a few things that have happened to me since I last blogged:
- We got a new car. And not just some stupid, cheap replacement, but a real, nice, dependable SUV! Our van, God rest her pour soul, just wasn't up for the 3 hour trip to Seattle, so my Mom helped me, I mean, us a new car. We got a 2003 Dodge Durango, fully loaded. Every option that was available for that model in 2003, it has. Ass warmers, dual climate controls, third row seating, separate climate controls for the back, rear view mirror defrosters, you name it, she has it. She is champagne, Jay calls it gold, but since I feel gold is tacky and ugly, I prefer champagne. And since I'm the driver, what I say goes.
- My daughter graduated from a three wheeler to a Barbie bike with training wheels.
- My husband called me "Snatch" last night, causing me to tear up, scratch the shit out of him and ignore him until I just couldn't stand it and started yelling at him. You know why he called me such a gross word? No, I didn't cheat on him. No, I wasn't flicking my bean to animal porn. I told him I was cold. That's it. The sentence "Brr...I'm cold" made him call me "Snatch". What a fucker. I know, I know, I have no problem with whorebag, but I have my limits. Three words I just cannot stand whatsoever are cunt, snatch, and twat. I just think they are vial words, and I just cannot stand hearing them. Jay knows this, every one I talk to daily knows this. He apologized for his monstrous mistake, I finally forgave him, and went to sleep.
- My across the street neighbor is a huge fat bitch. I hate her. She called the cops on us because we parked in front of her house. We parked our van on a public street and the whore called our HOA association and the cops. We got a warning telling us we had to move the car within 3 days. Um, yeah, I was going to anyway, but I so wanted to run it through her front window. She has thrown major fits since we moved here whenever anyone parks in front of her house. So to spite her, I am going to move the van back in front of her house tomorrow since I moved it yesterday. When she gets home, she'll shit her pants, and I will laugh. Cause I am a spiteful, mean person who gets her kicks off of pissing fat pigs off. My neighbors next door also hate her and plan on alternating their vehicles in front of her house. I called the HOA today and they are sending a nuisance letter to her to tell her to calm the fuck down. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
- My daughter's 4th birthday is today, and as usual, my husband made and decorated her cake. It is an awesome Wonder Woman cake, and my daughter cannot wait to get her grubby little paws on it.
- We packed all of our dishes and are now forced to eat almost all of our meals sitting on the floor and from a paper sack. We had Taco Time for lunch yesterday, Burgerville for dinner, Red Robin for lunch today, and tonight it's Papa's Pizza. I am so sick of fast food. We are not huge fast fooders, every now and then is great, but I can tell you now, my body is pissed at me and is making it's point well known.
So I am sorry for the lapse in blogging, but I know I am not the only one that has been a little out of it. I'll leave you today with a picture of me with my oldest friend, Melissa, from last Friday night. We went out for my good-bye dinner at Bartini and then drove to Spunkalem, I mean, Salem so I could meet her boytoy, Scott. They are a new couple, and so cute and cuddly I wanted to vomit. But I drank instead.