Hello from Portland. In this great state of Oregon, country roads are 55 miles an hour unless otherwise posted. Get that, 55. If you've taken a driving test in, let's say, the last decade, you know this.
So why, I must ask you, as I was driving nicely down a country road this morning while driving my son to school, was I only going 35? WHY?! Here are the reasons, in order:
A. Stupid old Asian woman PULLED OUT IN FRONT OF ME to go 30. And continue to go 30 until I finally reached the passing lane, successfully passed her (even though I swear that bitch swerved to the left), flipped her off while laying on the horn, and went about my merry business. OK, deep breath and I'm OK.
B. Farm equipment driver. Seriously, can't you drive that stupid piece of shit through a field or something? Why must it be on an actual road, stopping up traffic. Again, a honk of the horn and a finger got this douchbag out of my way.
C. The Sunday driver (on a G-Damn Wednesday) taking in the sites while I am seething behind him. DO YOU SEE ME, ASSHAT? BIG CHAMPAGNE DURANGO BEHIND YOU? DO YOU HEAR MY HORN? SEE MY FINGER? Finally, he does, and has the nerve to wave me by? Probably some do-gooder on his way to spread the holy word or something? Stupid idiot.
D. The farm hands that I am willing to bet my new car on are here illegal which is why they insist on going at least 20 miles under the speed limit at all times. Fuckers. I'm sorry, but if someone can get in trouble for speeding, people should also get into trouble for going too slow. When you see no less than 10 cars stacked up behind you, speed up or get the fuck off the road. Seriously.
E. No less than 3 smaller semi's hauling dirt, messing up my precious car, and going, again, around 35. And again, they have all the other people piling up behind them. I understand your truck is heavy, but you are totally making people late. I am pretty sure there is a law that says if you have more than 5 cars behind you and you are going under the posted limit, you are to pull over and let them pass. But not these fuckers. No way, they just sat on their asses, probably hopped up on shit, and took their precious time. All of them finally turned, and I could finally go the posted 55. FINALLY.
I am not shitting you, this all happened just this morning. I made none of it up. I can pinky swear if you want me to.
Now before any of you bitch at me about speeding, let me make this clear; I do not speed. I am honestly very aware of posted speeds and always follow them. I may have been a speed demon before having kids, but since then, I have become a very safe driver. And you may also be concerned about my road rage. I may use my horn and finger a lot, but I don't ride up people's asses or shout at them through an open window. So what if my kids first true sentence was "Green means go, fucker" or "Do you SEE the speed limit", they are just learning early on that people suck, and sometimes you have to make other people aware of their stupidity.
Only 2 more days of the insanely stupid drivers here and then I head to the birthplace of my road rage, Seattle. That place is insane with crazy drivers, not as bad as L.A., but a close second. I'll fit in nicely there, I bet.