Thursday, July 26, 2007

Bless me, I can't stop ...AAAA-Choo.....sneezing

Colds suck. Colds especially suck in the G-Damn Summer. What the fuck? Really. It is hot, it is sunny. What about this weather is causing me to sneeze every few minutes, hack up a lung, and make my head feel like it should look like this.......


I mean honestly, I thought my sore throat would go away and I would be fine, because, again, it is SUMMER! The sore throat I thought was from yelling during our drunken stupors every night or from taking a few too many shots of 99 Bananas or Vodka. Not from some cold sent directly to me by Satan himself.

And speaking of 99 Bananas, while on vacation, my friend Jason and I made up a drink which includes 99 Bananas. And because I am so very nice I will tell you how to make it. It is 1/3 glass pineapple juice, 1/3 glass ginger ale, and 2 shots of 99 Bananas. We made it up in the liquor store while my husband checked out the beer section and Jason's pregnant wife Kerri patiently circled the block because she felt it was wrong for a pregnant woman to enter a liquor store. Neither of us knew how it would turn out, but after making a few at the party, Jason told me they were "fucking awesome" and decided we should name the drink. Me, being less than imaginative in the soberist of circumstances, was put on the spot. Here is what I remember running through my mind at that moment:

A name for this drink.....hmmm......99 bananas.....I like bananas......I wonder if they have any bananas......oh wait, I have to name the drink.....a drink....I would like another drink.......Jason should make me a drink.......gotta stay focused, name the drink.....I got it.....

"How about Ferris Lambert Cocktail"

Jason looked at me like I was a moron, and Jay just shook his head. After the 5 minutes of thinking about it (at least it felt like 5 minutes, it was probably more like 30 seconds), this was the best I could come up with. I am that lame, honestly.

Jason, being a great imaginative genius, came up with The Jamaican Rim Job in like 2 seconds and from then on, I was the inventor of The Jamaican Rim Job. As I calmly sat and sipped my 100th drink of the week while staring at the fire and listened to others conversations, Jason bursts out of the house, and yells out "Christie, we need you in the house. There are some guys that want some Jamaican Rim Jobs and you are the only one who can do it right!" Fucking awesome. Everyone burst out laughing, and I was like "What, don't yell that out. Jay I swear, I'm not getting a rim job" and he was like "No shit" and I stumbled into Jason and made him half carry me to the house and kitchen.

I must tell you that Jason is my favorite drinking buddy. When we party together, we have to do whatever the other is doing. If Jason is downing a bottle of champagne straight from the bottle, so am I. If I am doing 10 shots of Tequila in a row, Jason is right beside me shot for shot. We hang out with each other through most of the evening, and can usually be found making fun of someone more drunk than us. This particular night, we were busy making fun of Jay, who was too drunk to actually leave his chair anymore. He sat zoned out on the bonfire forever. Jason and I tried throwing things at him, but he didn't move. Then we tried freaking him out from behind a tree, he didn't even know we were there. We lost interest finally, and went back into the house to drink more.

I can only imagine how the party looked to Sarah and Kerri, both pregnant and undrunk. We must have looked like a bunch of idiots. I miss Kerri drinking with us. She is so funny, and has been known to fall down stairs and cover her white top with a red drink, and then sit there and laugh her ass off. Maybe next year.

I will leave you today with a picture from the party. It was taken pretty early in the evening, Jason and I are only slightly out of it, and Jay is sober, I think. We are taking shots of 99 Bananas out of Pimp and Ho shot glasses. I really want a pair.

I look like SHIT, but it is still funny. Jason is staring intently at his Pimp shot glass for some reason. Don't you like my puffed out hair (naturally curly hair is the bane of my existence) and puffy, flushed, shiny liquor face? It was a hard week, I tell you. The cold just goes to prove that every pleasure has it's pain.

P.S. Don't you like how damn short I am compared to my ball and chain. I usually don't notice it, but in this picture, it is hard not to. He is a freaking giant towering over me in this shot.

16 comments:

RevRee said...

Hahah that is awesome! I'm gonna break out the "Jamaican Rim Job", next time I have a house party!!! WOOO!

Princess in Galoshes said...

Ooooh, yummy! I've never tried 99 Bananas, but I am going to see if I can lay my hands on some this weekend.

Maybe some alcohol would help kill off the germs???

Christie said...

RevRee-Jay hated the drinks. I bought more the next night to drink with the family, and he stayed away from it. But Jason and I loved it. Yummy!

Princess- I drank every night of vacation, it did not ward off the germs. I even tried drinking last night, what a mistake. Apparently, you shouldn't mix cough syrup with liquor. Who knew?

M-M-M-Mishy said...

I don't know what 99 Bananas is, but your drinks sound delish.

Here's hoping you are able to vanquish your stubborn summer cold before too long! (Summer colds are known to be the most annoying colds of all.)

Dan said...

Sore throats and colds suck! I just back from vacation and got one the next day.

And now my cat is sneezing! No kidding! Maybe she's allergic to herself.

She sneezed right in my face this morning! :) Hope you feel better soon!

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Sorry about your sore throat. I have something you can gargle with...

Crystal said...

1. holy crap. i thought you were sitting down. dude is ginormous.

2. jamaican rim job has a nice ring to it. i am going to name my first child jamaican rim job. yes.

Crystal said...

3. your glass says "ho" on it in pink sparkly letters.

just incase you didn't know.

Christie said...

Mishy- I don't know what 99 Bananas is either, but it tastes awesome and gets me drunk. Enough said.

Dan- I am past sneezing my head off finally, I think I passed it to your cat. Can I do that through a computer? I've moved to coughing up crap every few minutes. Yummy.

Dyck- You are so far behind. My husband gave me that line the minute I mentioned a sore throat. If it didn't work for him, it won't work for you. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Christie said...

Crystal- I am only a ho for my husband. Apparently, when you get married, you have to stop sleeping around. I was tricked into, I swear.

If you name your kid after my drink, I get dibs on being The Godmother. I shall call your child Jarijo for short.

Christie said...

Oh, and Crystal, I think I was actually sitting on a stool that LIFTED me up a little bit higher. I am 5'2", he is 6'7". We make a great pair, yes?

Jenny! said...

He is gynormous! 99 Bananas sounds good, never heard of it...but i do like rim jobs, so I guess you just can't go wrong!

blog Portland said...

What a bunch of crap! It was my creative genius that came up with that name. It was inspired by the fact that 99 Bananas tastes like Rastafarian ass. Don't ask me how I know this.

Christie said...

Jenny- I've yet to give in to a rim job. I think? I can't remember. I drink too much.

BP- It was you that said it? Really? All I heard was Jason. Man, I need to quit drinking.

Marcia said...

ha - I thought Jay was standing and you were sitting! I knew Jay was tall, but still! It makes the 1' height difference I have with my husband seem reasonable.

And - making up drinks is the most fun. I remember in college we used to get wasted on diet mt. dew and midori - our reasoning? they were both green-ish, and um, we were trying to use up liquor while the vending machine was out of all the good sodas. But it turned out awesome and we made them a lot after that.

Christie said...

Marcia: I love making up drinks, too! I figure that even if the drink tastes like crap the first time I make it, if I go back to at the end of the night, it will taste awesome due to the fact I have no taste buds left. Cheers!