Monday, October 20, 2008

Puke

Please go here and then come back.




Oh. My. God.

If this is all true, or even somewhat true. Shit, if any of this is true, even in the slightest bit, damn.

She would be a....a....I just don't know. Horrible person? No, that's too much. Too, um, well? Devoid of any feelings? Someone maybe too into themselves. Is slightly robotic, every moved pre-planned.

What ever happened to cool Madonna. Like a Virgin Madonna. Not Who's That Girl Madonna, because she was just too dumb then. Oh, Vogue Madonna, yeah, that Madonna was hot (Jay prefers the Express Yourself Madonna, which is pretty awesome, I might say).

My point is.....what the hell happened? How did she go from being slightly less firm, but still totally awesome, rolling around on the floor in a tore up bridal dress, singing about humping in front of national television, and people of all ages going fucking nuts and wearing fingerless lace gloves and not brushing our hair but just tying it all back in a big motherfucking bow (oh goodness, I need to take a breather after part of the sentence. Fuck, sorry.)....to becoming this..this Lady Elaine Fairchilde freak who is so cold and over-firm, manly firm even, but that is besides the point.

And is Alex Rodriquez a total fucking pussy? I had a mad crush on him when he started here in Seattle. I went to 4 games that season. Four. in. a. year. He is great in person, ladies. Not so much now, he looks kinda old. Not to mention, he's also a douche. And I don't mean that in any nice lovey feeling kind of douche, which is what I mean when I call my husband a douche. Wait, that sounds so gross. But you know what I mean. Anyways....... He just sounds like a complete tool if he answered "YES" to any of those things.

What the fuck, A-Rod? For reals, did she break your balls, and I mean that in the truest sense of the word, when you let her take Siegfried and Roy in her mummy-like hand with all those veins? Ewe, gross. You seriously let her touch you with those. Gross. Seriously. Gross.

I just cannot read another blog about those 2 again. I'm going to go bake bread, because that is human and homey. And what people do instead of pop-quizzing potential next-husband material. Crazy shit.

I think the only question I had for Jay when we started hooking up, is "How big is it?". Maybe I was a bit shallow, but we've all got to get ours, and I just don't like wasting my time on midget meat.

8 comments:

Princess in Galoshes said...

ewwwwwwwwww

I'd like to think this is just paparazzi-speak, and has nothing to do with The Original Material Girl living in such grand delusion.

random moments said...

Ew. Ew, ew, ew.

She's reached this really high level of creepy these days. Bleh.

Jay said...

I hear A-Rod likes his women "fit," but I think he just can't admit to himself that want to do old veiny men, so he's doing the next best thing instead.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Baking bread? Is that a euphemism for sex?

Kelly said...

ohhh.... I'm totally in the pop quizing next potential husband material stage... shoot...

I was just wondering when it was appropriate to pop the question...

"how big is it?"

lmao

Madonna is really freaking gross... I didn't even bother clicking those links, because that's just nasty.

I agree with Jay on this one, he likes the dudes and Madonna is the closest thing to it.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Her hands are just creepy! She needs to put those fingerless gloves back ON!

Toryssa said...

Gristle! Hahaha!! That is FUNNY. Gross. But funny.

Everything else in that article was suitably disturbing. Thanks.

I also went to a lot of Mariner's games that year! I've never been to one since, but he was SO HOT. And I had a friend who was totally into crazy eyed little Joey Cora.

Beth said...

HAHAHAHAHA! "Midget Meat" ahhhh I love ya girl.

Madonna is gross now. eeewwwww. A-Rod is kinda cute but not if he creates spawn with Madonna.

eewwwwww