That being said, I should probably explain myself a little. Here goes:
I received an invitation to my dad and step-mom's garden party (that just sounds so pompous, doesn't it) and called to confirm that we were coming on Thursday. I happened to mention that we were leaving for vacation in about 2 weeks, but that next year, we would like to head to our family cabin in Montana instead of the coast. Do you know what he said to me? Not, "OK, what time of the summer would be good for you", not "Do you guys want the main cabin or the guest cabin". No, nothing like that. He said, and I quote:
"You know, I need to be honest here, and maybe this makes me the worst grandpa in the world, but that's my adult vacation, and I don't really want to spend it with 3 little kids."
Now, I feel the need to explain how wrong this sentence is, using bullet points (yes, there are that many).
- Um, I think never, ever calling your grand kids, barely remembering their birthdays DOES, in fact, qualify you for being a bad grandfather. Yes, he was there for all 3 of their births, but then pretty much checked out of their lives since then. When we lived in Portland, he would drive through often on the way to Eugene, where my uncle lives, to spend weekends hanging out. And NEVER FUCKING CALL. Not once to say "Hey, I'm driving through, you want to meet for a quick bite to eat". He couldn't give us one G.D. hour of his precious time.
- ADULT VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Excuse me, but isn't that what your trip to Hawaii was about this year, not counting the trip to your condo in Mexico? Wasn't that what living in Arizona 6 months out of the year at your house in Phoenix was about? Isn't every fucking day "ADULT" day since you have no children living at home and you are retired. Isn't playing golf almost every fucking day of your life considered "adult time"? I'm so confused by that statement. Honestly, I am.
- Those "3 kids" are your grand kids, you fucktard. The offspring of your only daughter. The only grand kids you have, unless you count my step-mom's grand kids, but they aren't HIS grand kids. They aren't from his kids. I had the most kick ass grandparents. Both of my grandmothers were retired by the time we came along, and they cooked and baked, played games with us, took us to parks, and just loved having us around. I spent weeks every summer with my grandparents up here in Seattle. I spent quite a bit of time in Yakima with his parents, too. They enjoyed us, they pampered and spoiled us with love and attention. So how the hell did he turn out so stupid? His sister has 3 (almost 4, my cousin is pregnant again) grand kids, and even though they live in Boston, she still sees them more in a year than my dad has seen my kids in their lives! That is depressing.
I have never been there. Ever. My brothers and I are the only family members that have not been there once in our whole lives. Ever. Did I say ever, because I mean it.
Now, my step-mom has been there ever summer since they got married in 1999. But my mom, who was married to my dad for 17 years had never gone either. Even my step-mom's friends have been there.
But not my dad's kids.
How absolutely fucked up is that? I am so pissed off at him. I am hurt and sad that my dad can't even put forth an effort for 1 damn week. I wasn't asking him to watch my kids while Jay and I go off and inject heroin into our veins, I'm asking him to let us go with them, they can have the guest cabin, we'll sleep in the main cabin. They can have privacy out there. I'm asking him to spend even a few hours making sandcastles with his grand kids while they are still little enough to not be embarrassed hanging out with him. Read one damn bedtime story with them. I can handle the rest.
My kids have tons of grandparents, and the only one that could care 2 shits for them is my mother. I have 2 dads, and they don't care. Jay's parents have met the kids less than a handful of times in their lives, and they used to live no more than 5 minutes away from us when we lived in Oregon. Since my mom and Bill broke up, they lost the only grandfather they knew.
So I am sad for them, too. They won't get the chance to make memories with their grandfathers like I did, and still do with my only living Poppa.
They are lucky enough to have my grandparents, or Nanna Great and Poppa Great as they call them. And man, I don't know who loves the other more. My grandparents have about 50 grand kids, great-grand kids, and step-grand kids, and they spend time with every single one of us. They love having us together as a group or individually. They can still be counted on to show up for every birthday, dance recital, music concert, preschool graduation, high school graduation, baseball game, soccer game, etc., etc. that we all have.
So in that they are lucky.
But that doesn't get my dad off the hook. I have put up with his shit for a long time, and I just can't do it anymore. I blew off the garden party, didn't call, and I am just washing my hands of the whole fucking disaster of a relationship.
It's not like the kids will know the difference. And to be honest, I doubt he will notice.