Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Why my marriage works

Following conversations are actual conversations I had with husband.

Jay: BUUUUUUUUURP! Wow that stunk.
Christie: That was hot; let's fuck.

Christie: Honey, I'm so (yawn) tired, would you (yawn) be mad if (yawn) we didn't have (yawn) sex tonight? (YAAAAAAAAAAAWN)
Jay: Really? It's fucking Valentine's Day. It's the night for fucking romance. Come on, you can just lay there.
Christie: Um, (yawn) really? (Yawn) Honey, can we do it later? Please? (Yawn)
Jay: If you loved me, you'd have sex.
Christie: Snore...............................

Jay: Rise and shine, sunshine! Time to get up!
Christie: Fuck off, what time is it?
Jay: We have to leave in 20 minutes.
Christie: Are you fucking kidding me! 20 minutes. You are crazy. Leave me alone, I only need 5 minutes to get ready to drive you to work. Hey, where are my underwear? I swear, I wore underwear to bed.
Jay: Ummm, I don't know.
Christie: Liar, what did you do when I was sleeping? Pervert.
Jay: Are they yellow? Cause they are over here on the floor.
Christie: Well, they didn't just walk off of me.
Jay: I swear, I didn't do anything.
Christie: Whatever, shut the door. Come back right before we need to leave.
Jay: I love you, too.
Christie: Fuck you.

Christie: What is that smell? Did you fart?
Jay: Me, no, never.
Christie: (reaching for window controller to roll down his window) Stop holding the up button on the window, fucker, you stink. ROLL IT DOWN!
Jay: No, I like it. It smells awesome.
Christie: You suck balls, I hate you. Roll it down, douchebag! GROSS, I'm going to puke. You suck!

Jay: Pull over, I need to use the bathroom.
Christie: One or two?
Jay: Two, come one, pull over. No, not 7-11, they don't have bathrooms.
Christie: Yes they do, all convenience stores have bathrooms.
Jay: Seriously, go to Thriftway.
Christie: Does Jay have to shit? Oh, poor baby. (I purposely hit some potholes cause I am mean like that)
------We finally get into the store and we couldn't find the shitter, come to find out they have a HoneyBucket on the side of the store. Gross. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.------

Christie: (As Jay is walking towards the car after the Honeybucket trip and a lady is parked next to us loading her car with groceries, I roll down the window to shout) Did it all come out OK? Did you double wipe? Huh, I can't hear you.
Jay: You suck!

I swear to God, I love this man. He is like my perfect mate. He understands me and my need to use swear words and call him mean names. He knows I don't mean it.

13 comments:

Brooke said...

I love it! I always have to tell my husband how smashing he looks with his perfectly coiffed hair...

Anonymous said...

Christie is not lying. This is EXACTLY the way they talk to each other. It is never said meanly. Took me some getting used to. I actually took Jay's side. But hey. . .he dishes it out just as bad. I love my son in law. He is so good to my daughter and grandkids. And he ain't bad to me either. Just wish he would call me mom more often and not just when he wants something.

I am also blogging. Started yesterday. So if you want both sides to the story, check mine out at lifebeginsat49.blogspot.com

random moments said...

You are guys are SO ROMANTIC!!! Lolol.

Anonymous said...

bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch
bear snatch

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amanda said...

Awwww you two are just fucking adorable. ;-) I think I am in the same relationship at times. Except for I don't live with one farter I lived with one farter plus the farter brother. YAY me. lol.

Crystal said...

beer snatch

Yoda said...

That's fuckin' hilarious! You two deserve each other. :-p

Guilty Secret said...

Aw, you guys!

Crankyputz said...

ahh love..

Effortlessly Average said...

Well wouldja look at that: the perfect couple.

heh.

Effortlessly Average said...

And what the hell is a bear snatch? Aside from the obvious, I mean.

Anonymous said...

Great post, I am almost 100% in agreement with you