Following conversations are actual conversations I had with husband.
Jay: BUUUUUUUUURP! Wow that stunk.
Christie: That was hot; let's fuck.
Christie: Honey, I'm so (yawn) tired, would you (yawn) be mad if (yawn) we didn't have (yawn) sex tonight? (YAAAAAAAAAAAWN)
Jay: Really? It's fucking Valentine's Day. It's the night for fucking romance. Come on, you can just lay there.
Christie: Um, (yawn) really? (Yawn) Honey, can we do it later? Please? (Yawn)
Jay: If you loved me, you'd have sex.
Jay: Rise and shine, sunshine! Time to get up!
Christie: Fuck off, what time is it?
Jay: We have to leave in 20 minutes.
Christie: Are you fucking kidding me! 20 minutes. You are crazy. Leave me alone, I only need 5 minutes to get ready to drive you to work. Hey, where are my underwear? I swear, I wore underwear to bed.
Jay: Ummm, I don't know.
Christie: Liar, what did you do when I was sleeping? Pervert.
Jay: Are they yellow? Cause they are over here on the floor.
Christie: Well, they didn't just walk off of me.
Jay: I swear, I didn't do anything.
Christie: Whatever, shut the door. Come back right before we need to leave.
Jay: I love you, too.
Christie: Fuck you.
Christie: What is that smell? Did you fart?
Jay: Me, no, never.
Christie: (reaching for window controller to roll down his window) Stop holding the up button on the window, fucker, you stink. ROLL IT DOWN!
Jay: No, I like it. It smells awesome.
Christie: You suck balls, I hate you. Roll it down, douchebag! GROSS, I'm going to puke. You suck!
Jay: Pull over, I need to use the bathroom.
Christie: One or two?
Jay: Two, come one, pull over. No, not 7-11, they don't have bathrooms.
Christie: Yes they do, all convenience stores have bathrooms.
Jay: Seriously, go to Thriftway.
Christie: Does Jay have to shit? Oh, poor baby. (I purposely hit some potholes cause I am mean like that)
------We finally get into the store and we couldn't find the shitter, come to find out they have a HoneyBucket on the side of the store. Gross. But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.------
Christie: (As Jay is walking towards the car after the Honeybucket trip and a lady is parked next to us loading her car with groceries, I roll down the window to shout) Did it all come out OK? Did you double wipe? Huh, I can't hear you.
Jay: You suck!
I swear to God, I love this man. He is like my perfect mate. He understands me and my need to use swear words and call him mean names. He knows I don't mean it.