Thursday, February 14, 2008

I'm so sorry

First off, let me apologize to you ladies out there for the last post. I didn't write it to scare you off of children. I really didn't. Not all my days are like that, seriously. Yesterday, all I did was play with the kids and Charlie, pick up my new glasses, return some stuff to Target, and pick up Jay. That was it. Nothing too trying or stressful. Hey, they even gave me cash back at Target instead of harassing me about putting it back on my credit card. Cash is ALWAYS good.

I know I talk a lot about life being stressful and how the kids drive me up. the. wall. a lot, but honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. Being a mother is the best thing I have ever done. They are my world, you know. I would much rather be home with them than at some job where I have to keep up with deadlines and office gossip. Office gossip sucks.

I get to sleep in (well, 8:30 is sleeping in compared to when I had to get up to go to a job), I can have pancakes or French toast for breakfast while chatting with the kids, I can take long walks around Puget Sound or stop and spend time with my Nanna and Poppa, I can also go to a doctor's appointment any time during the day without having to work later during the week to make up the time. I am my own boss. Doesn't that say it all?

I've thought about going back to work a few times, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to leave my kids with a baby-sitter or put them in daycare. Besides, Kenzie would NEVER EVER forgive me. She cries if I go to the store and she has to stay home with Daddy or Nanna. What would she do if I took her to daycare and "ditched" her. Kill me in my sleep, that is what she would do.

I would miss having ice cream outside on the deck after lunch

Playing in the pool on warm days

Coloring before nap time

Playing in the leaves at the zoo

I worked until Kenzie was born. Evan was just 10 1/2 months old, but Mason was 5. He went to school that fall so I missed out on a lot of things with him. I was able to volunteer in his classroom, and went on school field trips. I don't think he got as much attention as he deserved, and I hope he realizes that I wanted to be home with him, but financially, it wasn't possible. Two kids in daycare is WAY cheaper than 3, especially when 2 of them are in diapers and on a bottle.

I'm not trying to say it is better to stay home than it is to be a working parent. I got that grief all the time when I was working. I knew I was a good mom, and I felt I personally was a better mom because I worked. I wasn't ready to be home, and I knew that I would go crazy if I stayed home. It wasn't until I had Kenzie that I felt I was ready to stay home. It was my decision, Jay supported whatever choice I made. If I wanted to work, I could go back to being a payroll specialist and my daycare lady would love to take Kenzie, too. But I felt I was ready to stay home.

And I haven't regretted it.

Yet.



6 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

GET A REAL JOB, SLACKER!!!

random moments said...

Everyone vents when life stresses us out. When we're happy, we don't tend to speak about it as much, we just relish in it. I'm sure everyone knows you love staying home with your kids, you can see it! Those photos are priceless. I hope to be able to do what you are doing some day.

Guilty Secret said...

Well seeing as I commented on your last post I was going to delay having kids, I feel after this one I really ought to bring it forward again.

So, I'll just tall Baddie it was your idea, yeah?

Crankyputz said...

Your kids are so darn cute....

TheBirdman33 said...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mom said...

Note from mom: Christie is a great mom. I can say that because she is raising them just like I raised her and the boys. I hope she can hold it together during those teens years. That's when you want to rent them out until they are grown. There are times when I know she doubted herself. Of one of the many times she called me, she was sitting in the bathroom downstairs crying and saying she couldn't even take a pee by herself. At that moment she said Kenzie's little fingers were coming in from under the door and Evan was banging on the door and Chrisite (bless her heart) was crying and saying "they're sucking the life out of me". I started to laugh which made her feel even worse. All I could tell her was I loved her and she is doing great. She will have many days like these. But they will pass. And usually when you check on them while sleeping, all is forgotten. She is a great mom and I am amazed by her. They are moving and I will miss them. TERRIBLY.