Thursday, August 16, 2007

My 5 Hotties

I don't have much to say today. So I thought I would give you a rundown on the men I would totally bone if A: I wasn't married OR B: if Jay gave me the go-ahead in exchange for letting him bone a starlet, too.

Let's get the party started!

5: Ben Affleck: Other than the fact he is one hot dude, he also proudly wears his wedding ring (I don't trust married men who don't wear their rings, unless they have a job that requires them not to), is often photographed holding his daughter and with his wife, and is known for his generosity. I can look past the fact he dated that man-eater J-Lo. I chose this picture because it shows him with his family, which is really hot. I know he's not at his Hollywood Hottest, but come on, he's still hot.

4: Josh Duhamel: DAMN BOY! Can any of you, men included, not get totally turned on by looking at that face? No, you can't. He's dating Fergie, so you know he is to freaky shit, right. I love him in Las Vegas, and when I saw him in Transformers, I about died. He's just so yummy.




3: Tom Wellings: Again, DAMN! Look at those arms, will you. He could bench-press my ass, no problem. And it doesn't hurt that he plays a young Superman on T.V., and who doesn't love Superman. I mean, my husband still dreams of becoming Superman when he grows up. The dark hair and blue eyes is a killer combo, so, I don't know, erotic. I actually stopped watching his show this year, but added the whole last season to my Netflix account so I can watch him all at once, over and over again.




2: Patrick Dempsey: Now, of course. I never found him very attractive in Can't Buy Me Love, just too geeky for my taste, even back then. Not only is he a family man, but he plays a g-damn doctor on t.v. so well! McDreamy gets the juices flowing every Thursday night at my house. I usually hate beards, but fuck, come on, he can pull it off! You want a piece, too, don't you!



1: Jay Ferris: My hot ass husband! That's right, if I had the chose any dude to have sex with, it would be him. Not only is he a hot bitch, he's great in the sack. It's a guarantee. Nothing is worse than finding a hot guy, getting him into bed, and having your fantasy busted because he has a tiny penis and no idea how to work his laughingly tiny member. I know it sounds cheesy, but he's got it all. Hot ass, check. Family man, check. Nice hands, check. Big pogo stick, check. Why go elsewhere, when you've got it all right at home? Back off ladies, he's mine. MINE.


OH, and as an added bonus, if I switched teams, this lady is who would be first up.



Holy hotness, Batman, I think I've found our third! Honestly, if I ever went to that side of the fence, she would be the first lady I would jump on. You know she is slightly crazy, so being naughty would totally be in the cards. She is also very free spirited so once I rocked her world, she would be OK getting the hell out.



21 comments:

captain corky said...

I was going to have a shit fit with the Ben Affleck thing, but then you redeemed yourself with Tom Welling so all is forgiven. Patrick Dempsey is pretty fucking cool too.

Lizzle said...

Ok, you've got reasons for your choices and that's fine... that's why those are YOUR selections and not mine, HOWEVER...

I do take issue with your "other side of the fence" pick, not because it's Drew Barrymore, (I like Drew) but because you used phraseology something on the order of, "She'll be ok with leaving right after I rock HER world..." Umm, isn't the fantasy part of switching teams getting YOUR world rocked, rather than doing the work on someone else's gratification?

Seriously.

Christie said...

Corky: If you didn't have a kid and a wife, I would have guessed you gay.

Lizzle: Well, we would rock each others world, see. It's a joint effort. I would make the men, however, do all the work.

captain corky said...

It's just that Smallville is my favorite (current) show, and I've always liked Patrick Dempsey. Plus, I'm pretty comfortable with who I am and have never had a problem getting laid. ;)

Christie said...

Ah, Corkster, I'm just playing with you. I love Smallville, too! I cannot wait to sit and watch the whole last season in one sitting!

captain corky said...

I know you is, but just to make sure that I'm not gay I put on One Night in Paris and it did the trick, as always. ;)

captain corky said...

Something tells me I'm just diggin my hole deeper and deeper. ;)

Crystal said...

heh. captain corky has a deep hole.

anyhow, i totally forgot patrick dempsey was in can't buy me love. i do his dance just about everytime i hear any type of music. that alone is grounds for at least him getting a little handjob.

M-M-M-Mishy said...

You seem to have a thing for men with dark hair. I do, too.

Can't Buy Me Love rocks my world. I wouldn't have believed you if you had told me that Donald/Ronald grows up to be McDreamy.

Ryan said...

I was enjoying this post until your insensitive tiny penis comments. Now I found myself in tears and on the bronk of a 3 month depression.

Jenny! said...

Pogo stick...can I see it?

I totally disagree with ALL of your choices...except your husband of course..he is a hot bitch!

Dyck!! said...

Mrs. McFatty, you have been brainwashed. Two inches is NOT a large pogo stick. On the other hand, 4.5 inches is HUGE.

Christie said...

Corky: Buddy, you are making it way too easy for us to pick on you, dude!

Crystal: That is something I wish I could see. I only do it when I really have to pee!

Mishy: I know, who'd have thought that nerd would turn into McDreamy?

Ryan: I'm so sorry you have a little penis. I've heard the implants work wonders for men in your position.

Jenny: I could show you all a picture from our private stash, but then I'd have to kill you. But I'll tell you it is a gorgeous pogo stick.

Dyck: You're only 4.5 inches? Wow, McFatty has you beat by 4.5 inches. Sucks to be you. I won't cheat for anything less what I have at home.

Dan said...

I almost had to skip this entire post, being a guy and all. :) But then I stopped at Drew. Oh yeah! So she's your girl crush? Coolness.

One of mine too. :)

Legaleagle said...

Tom Wellings makes me think naughty thoughts. He's so effing hot.

Dyck!! said...

BITCH! Did I mention it's a REALLY BIG 4.5 inches??! Besides, SIZE DOESN'T MATTER!

Yoda said...

Your husband sounds like a cool dude, quite the catch with the big pogo stick and all :-) hahahaha.

Princess in Galoshes said...

Mmmm, good list! Except for Ben Affleck. Really, Christie???

This is where we differ, because ironically, the top of my "other side of the fence list" starts off with J Lo. ;-)

Christie said...

Dan: I know, I know, a very girly post, but I threw in my girl crush for the guys. I know what that does to you all.

Legaleagle: Unfortunately, I've heard he's faster than a speeding bullet. Haha.

Dyck: So you're hung like a midget, sweet!

Yoda: Me likes the big pogo stick!

Princess: J-Lo is a man-eating whorebag who has banged her way through half of Hollywood and is a known cheater. For those reasons alone, I can't have her on my list. Same goes for Angelina, even though I'm sure she is a fucking wild woman in bed.

random moments said...

This is funny! I agree with you on #4 - isn't he dating Fergie? That's kinda weird for me.

I'm with ya on #1 - I wouldn't trade my man for a roll in the hay with another!

Guilty Secret said...

Aw that was so cute how you picked your husband for number one!

(I know what you mean about safe bet... fantasies are often best left that way... can be sooo disappointing!)