Monday, July 9, 2007

Weekend Round-Up

My weekend was pretty lazy, and those are the weekends I like best. I woke up at 10:00 to Jay snapping my sleeping mask to wake me up. Apparently, waking up first pisses him off, so he must start the day by pissing me off. Then I took Kenzie to Target to buy a birthday gift and then took her to the party. She ate her weight in Ruffles and ranch, and then cake (or should I say frosting). We came home, Jay and I reorganized our living room, fed the kids, and went swimming in our pool. After the kids were in bed we watched Ghostrider (stupid stupid stupid).

I woke up Sunday morning to the kids telling us they were starving. And then I had the following conversation with my husband:

Me: Honey, go make coffee and I'll be right behind you.

Jay: No fucking way, you go make coffee. I made it yesterday.

Me: You are a g-damn liar. I made coffee yesterday.

Jay: Oh. Well, I made it every day last week.

Me: You had to go to work so you were up first, douchbag.

Jay: You know it has a preset button, so you could make it the night before, right.

Me: (ignored him and tried to go back to sleep)

Jay: (smacks my ass and then farts in my direction)

me: You gross bastard. Go make the damn coffee.

Jay: (pretends to be asleep)

Me: (try getting back to sleep)

5 minutes pass, and then:

Me: Get up douchbag!!!!! (I try to kick him out of bed at this point)

Jay: Fuck you.

Me: Why aren't you up making my coffee, asshat?

Jay: (tries to get frisky, kids sense this and bolt to our room to stop this) Evan, I said I will make you breakfast in a minute!

Me: Kenzie, jump on daddy. He likes it when you jump on him. Yeah, that's right, fart on him!

Jay: Kenzie, don't step on my junk!

Me: Too bad the kids walked in, honey, I was just about ready to give in.

Jay: OK, kids, outta our room. Mommy and daddy have to talk about something. I'm serious, out. OK, 1, you had better move. 2, I better not get to 3. 2 1/2, Kenzie, go! (the kids then run like hell out of there).

Me: OK, well I'm going to make coffee now. Bye!

I then bolt out of the room and start making coffee, all while Jay is yelling at me to come back to the bedroom.

Since moving our living room around, our cable doesn't come in very well. Instead of going to buy more cable, we decide to watch movies. We watched Sicko (great movie! but now I want to move to Europe), Idiocracy (dumb dumber dumbest movie ever), then made cookies, then played video games. Finally, we watched the Special Edition of Stargate (this is my secret favorite geek movie). And finally we headed to the pool again. Once the kids were in bed, we played Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture edition (we didn't use the cards, only the DVD). I won (only because Jay could not seem to get into the middle after getting all his pie first). And then we went to bed and watched Robot Chicken and Mind of Mencia.

And all that, my friends, wrapped up a pretty good weekend. The rest of this week is going to be spent in judo, gymnastics, play dates, the pool, and getting ready for vacation. We leave on Saturday for 7 nights 8 days of fun at the beach. Wa-hoo! I cannot wait!


Princess in Galoshes said...

Holy cow... I am exhausted just reading your post. How do you do it?

Also, I am now planning on moving to Europe, too. Freakin' healthcare!

blog Portland said...

Wow, your husband sounds like a dick.

One Step From the Edge said...

Princess: It is called drugs and coffee.

B.P.: He is, but he's hot and brings home money, so I keep him around.

Jenny! said...

Sounds like my house on Sunday morning, excpet we usually do are a tease!!!

Crystal said...

wow, you guys are all over the sweet nothings, no?

i can't wait to get married!

Marcia said...

now, see, this is why I don't drink morning coffee. I laugh, while Matt struggles to get out of bed and get the espresso machine to work.

Christie said...

Jenny-I used to put out. And now I have 3 kids. I'm not falling for that trick again.

Crystal-Who needs terms of endearment when "douchbag" gets him all excited?

Marcia-I don't even want to upgrade ourselves to espresso maker. You need a damn Ph.D to figure that crap out.

bitemycookie said...

i agree with blog portland. your husband does sound like a dick.

you guys are funny.

hi (found you through yor dick husband's blog).