Friday, July 13, 2007

Peace the heck out, Biotches!

So I promised myself I WOULD NOT get on the computer today since I have done Jack and Shit to prepare for vacation. I mean, I've been doing laundry (grrr) but I finally folded it last night and now there are pretty piles all around cause my motivation left me when it was time to put it away. Since the hubby is having a double root canal this morning, he is going to be useless to me for the rest of the day. Not that he does much to prepare for vacation, I pack him and everyone else, and he loads the car tomorrow morning. Cause when I do it, it is WRONG and he takes it out and does it the RIGHT way. Whatever, at least I don't have to carry the heavy shit down the stairs.

But, as you can see, I did get on the computer. The computer is evil. I shall call it Darth because the whole system is black (and I don't mean that to be racist, I mean it because Darth Vader is dressed in black, so calm down peoples!), and it has used its Force power to make me come and touch it. Fondle it, if you will.

We leave tomorrow morning for the Oregon Coast and a tourist town called Seaside. We were lucky enough to get 2 houses for the price of one, that is 1 block from the beach and 3 blocks for the main strip. My mom, step-dad, step-sister and her boyfriend, and my 3 children will be in the main house, and Jay and I will have the cottage. Or should I call it the Love Den?

See, the first year, we got a 3 bedroom house and Jay and I shared one room with our 3 kids. My mom and step-dad had another, and my 16 year old step-sister got to have sex with her boyfriend in their OWN room. Fuckers. So no sex for us.

Last year, we thought we were renting a 4 bedroom house. No such luck. Apparently, they still count the 4th room a bedroom even though it had no door and it was on the stairs so everyone coming and going could stare right at our bed. Again, my step-sister and her boyfriend got a room together, WITH A DOOR, and got to have sex. Damnit! They did offer up their room, but it only had a double bed, and with Jay being 6'7", that doesn't really work for us. So again, NO SEX for the married couple.

This year, my mom firmly told everyone Jay and I got the cottage so we could have some "quality time" together. Now that may seem like the nicest gesture, but let's look a little deeper, shall we. Yes, she wants Jay and I to have quality time, BUT she also wants to hog the kids (like I am going to fight her on this?). She wants to wake up to them crawling into bed with her and giving her morning kisses. She wants to get up early to make them breakfast and dress them how she wants. She wants to be bossed around by them. And I say, More Power To Ya Momma! One week doing this crap and you will believe me when I call you next time and tell you that I know they have a secret plot to drive me crazy, that the 3 of them have banded together to push me one step closer to the loony bin.

The only plans we have for the week are Jay, my step-dad, Jay's college roommate and his brother are going golfing on Tuesday, and Wednesday we are going to spend the day with the roommate and his wife, and a bunch of other friends. We will pretend to be childless for 24 hours. And it will be grand, I tell you. Oh, and sex. Lots of sex. And drinking. A Lot. No, I mean, really, a lot.

So peoples, I will try and bring back pictures of the vacation, but I make no promises. In the past, we usually bring out the camera after the kids have gone to bed and when we have started drinking. And we can't even make out what we took a picture of. But who knows, maybe this year I'll be a freaken' maniac with the camera. It's doubtful, but you never know.


Crystal said...

6'7?! holy hell woman! how do you keep all that under control?

and he will fit in a cottage?
i always picture cottages like that place where those two small people lived on the neverending story where she made the kid drink worms and says it has to hurt if it's to heal. like that. small. and he is like freaking mammoth ginormoman, good luck with that.

Crankyputz said...

he needs to read this post again, so he gets the lots of sex part.....

blog Portland said...

When you said sex on the beach, I just thought you were talking about drinks.

*High fives everyone in the room*

Christie said...

Crystal- Did I tell you that I am only 5'2" tall. People question us all the time. I look like a hobbit next to him. And he better fit in the cottage, or he is sleeping the in the van. That would be a great vacation, a house all to myself. Wow, the possibilities.

crankyputz- He has been reminding me daily of the lots of sex part since we booked the house in December. That is his main goal for 7 days, to nail his wife as many times as humanly possible. Lucky me.

Jenny! said...

Hip fucking hooray for sex! I hope you all have a good time!

Princess in Galoshes said...

Happy sex and alcohol! Sounds like a true vacation.

Do post pictures. :-)