Tuesday, July 31, 2007

It's My Job, K

As a stay-at-home Mommy, it is my job to love, nurture, and provide a healthy and safe environment for my offspring. It is also my duty to embarrass them and take silly pictures that I will hold over their heads for future use. I have been a mom for close to 9 years, ladies and gentlemen, which means I have lots of ammo. And since getting a digital camera a few years ago, it has become SO much easier to take a photo and show them off.

So today, since I was supposed to have a play date, but one of my kids has a tummy ache, I have nothing better to do than show off some cute, yet funny, pictures of my little monsters. Plus, you all seem to like the pictures I have posted thus far, so I might as well give you some more.

We'll start with Mason. Soon to be 9 and the owner of EVERY action figure known to man, this kid has been making me laugh for a long time!

To the left is Mason (blue shirt) with his friend Alex at his 6th birthday party. He had just finished "Fish the ball from the cream". Sounds dirty, huh. To the right, is a very tired Mason on the last day of vacation 2 years ago. He likes to make silly faces when he is exhausted.

Left is Mason as Yugi-Oh. He loved this damn costume. Almost as much as the one you see on the Right. Recognize the mask? This was his uniform and had to be torn from his little body at bedtime. Most of my pictures of Mason are actual photographs. I have about 5 photo albums that are just him, not to mention, his 3 fully completed Baby Books. Evan has one that is close to finished. And Kenzie, well, hers is barely done at all. The curse of being the youngest, I guess.


Next up is Evan. Now this child LOVES to get his picture taken. He is such a ham for the camera. It was hard to chose just a few pictures to tease him with. To the left, Evan eating a shovel. Does a body good, right? Why is he eating the shovel? Who knows. In a child's mind, there are 1000 of reasons why eating it would a good idea.

Here we have Evan laying on the ground, throwing a fit for some reason. I'm sure he had a good reason, like I wouldn't let him eat dirt or something. It's good, but not something he will kill me for later. Gotta keep looking for something better. Let's see what I can find.
Check out his cheeks in this picture. He was jumping on my bed, which is a no no, but I seemed to capture the moments his fluffy little cheeks fell off his face. Still not a money shot when it comes to blackmail, though.

There it is. No, I did not beat my son. He fell on the first snow day of the year and just about bit his lip off. Poor kid. But once we had walked home from the park, and I gave him some numbing stuff, he didn't care anymore. And he liked getting a picture of it.

And now it's Kenzie's turn. Brace yourself, you are in for a world of silly cuteness. She either begs you to take her picture, or curses you out in 3 year old talk for even daring to point that hideous thing at her. She's a little feisty.

I don't believe she managed this mess all on her own. If Daddy does not think they are making enough of a mess themselves with the cake, he helps out. But she spent the day licking shit off her face. She's happy so I'm happy.

They don't call those suckers Bloodsuckers for nothing. This mess took FOREVER to clean up. She had it up her nose, in her ears, and all over her car seat.

Now here is an oldie but goody. At 7 months old, this girl was roughly the size of a small whale. She loved her some food, and anything else she could find on the floor was an added bonus. Don't you like the Piggy in her pocket. Gotta love Gymboree and their cute lines, I think this one was called Little Pig.

Here we have Before the Sucker (notice her total lack of control over being told "no"), and After the Sucker (and now her ability to cut off tears). A great picture of all three kids, but only truly an embarrassing picture of My Princess.


And there you have it, the offspring of two wonderful, awesome people. OK, well Mason is only half of this dynamic duo, but he is still totally awesome cause he is more like me than his dad. There wasn't anything too embarrassing. The funniest ones include nudity (my daughter likes to flash her butt A LOT!), and I don't want to be accused of child porn by any over the top Bible thumper.

Good day!


minijonb said...

at what age is it appropriate to start blackmailing your children with these photos? do you have to wait until they are 18, or does Oregon law allow it as early as 13???


Dale said...

In a word - adorable.

Crankyputz said...

Oh goodness you made me want to have kids.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Jesus Christ, your kids are fucking retarded!

Yoda said...

As far as monsters go, these look pretty darn cute :-)

Christie said...

minijonb: Once they start dating and caring about what other people think. Kenzie may have a boyfriend, but he's 3. He don't give a shit.

Dale: Thank you. I totally agree!

Cranky: If you still appreciate sleeping in and not sharing your meal, I would suggest holding off.

Dyck: You are an asswipe. You have no chance at having regular children.

Yoda: Yeah, they can be cute. They can also drive me to drink. A Lot.

Dx said...

Duck cannot be serious!!!!!

captain corky said...

Very cute kids! It looks like you're doing a great job!

Jenny! said...

So cute! I love messy faces! You should scroll ALLL the way down to the bottom of my blog...a very messy face awaits! I love kids and there goofy pictures! I took alot of bathtub pics...those are the best blackmail!

-Papa said...

The kids are adorable, and it's nice to know there are other parents stockpiling ammo. ;)

Christie said...

DX: Oh, I know he's not serious. I just like saying mean things back. I'm mature like that.

Corky: Thank you! I really try. The mid-day martini helps.

Jenny: Oh, the bathtub shots are the huge ammo. Along with my daughter flashing her ass everywhere. She is going to cause me so much grief. Oh, and I did see that picture of D. What a cutie! Was that carrots all over his face?

Papa: Wasn't that part of the parent handbook. My parents did it to me. Man, I regret the Wonder Woman underoos. Oh, and I went to view your page, but I can't. Now I'm sad.

Michelle said...

Very cute kids! And I am a big fan of Gymboree and those damn matching lines. My children are 11, 8 1/2, 6 and 3 1/2 and I too have some great photos for future blackmailing them..