Maybe some of you know that Jay is growing out his beard. Chuck, as he likes to call it, has been around for a few weeks, and is now at the point of making kissing uncomfortable. So now not only am I having to look at that mess of pubic hair on my once handsome husbands face, I am also having to feel it. Gross. I am now no longer bi-curious, because if that is what it feels like down there, fuck it. No way. We tried making out the other day and I left with a red face and rash thanks to Chuck.
Chuck sucks and I hate him.
So to get my point across to Jay, I have stopped shaving. Until he shaves that shit off, I refuse to shave anything. Which I have to say has saved me at least 5 minutes in the shower every day. Which is in turn better for the environment, so maybe it's not such a bad thing.
But you know what my once handsome husband said to me? He said he would stop having sex with me if I got too hairy! How hypocritical of him. It's not like he would be fucking my hairy armpits or legs, right? And it's not like I have been completely hairless down there for the last 8 years. I, however, have to touch that mess when we have sex. And I haven't refused him yet. Douche.
Crystal told me to enjoy it, savor it. Um, no. I tried, I tried for like 5 minutes to fall in love with it. No. No way is that happening. It stinks, it collects hair and dust like no ones business, it also collects food (yesterday it was hummus and cauliflower, not the best smelling combo I promise). It also feels like a Brillo pad.
He promised to shave it off in time for my birthday, but that is forever away. What am I supposed to do? I usually find him so hot and sexable, but now he looks like a dirty, gross, mountain man. Ick. I left Shithalis because I wanted to leave rednecks behind. And now I'm married to Hillbilly Hank. Fuck.