Due to my dumbass stupid decisions, I am on a fast today, and might as well have been yesterday. My stupid ulcer and diverticulitis are acting up, making my stomach a pissed off bitch. And apparently, thanks to my husbands need to know all and spend any amount of time on the good old internet to find it, I have been put on a low residue diet to help me get better.
Low residue diet? What is that, you may be asking yourselves. Well, it basically means everything I don't normally eat, I have to. Well, not have to, necessarily, but I can eat. White bread, white rice, highly processed food. Crap, basically. Anything that doesn't cause much stomach uproar, I guess.
The only problem with this low residue diet, is that some of the stuff that doesn't affect diverticulitis, affects my ulcer. And let me tell you, if you haven't thrown up blood except for that time you got alcohol poisoning, it just isn't that fun.
I am going to the doctor on Friday morning, and hopefully, she will hand me a much stronger dose of my ulcer medication, give me antibiotics for the diverticulitis, and send me on my merry way. Unfortunately, I've had issues before, and I think she is going to schedule an upper and lower GI, and those kind of suck. Tubes being shoved down your throat and up your ass just aren't that comfortable.
So I am starved, not looking forward to the doctor's appointment, carrying around a bottle of Maalox liquid, hungry, in pain when I walk, ravenous, tired of drinking stupid water, in desperate need of food, cranky, and did I mention hungry? I really have been feeling pissed off since I woke up, and oh shit, getting angry makes my ulcer angry, which means, my stomach already hurts. See that, on top of my ulcer getting ready to burn it's way through my stomach, my poor tummy is rumbling, begging me to feed it something, anything. And all I can give it is some nice, cool, refreshing.... FUCKING WATER. Or stupid green tea. Or stupid clear juice. Everyone knows that the foggier the juice, the better it is. Duh. I guess my stomach missed that memo. Even if I wasn't fasting today, the list of what I can eat are pretty slim. I can have rice, but not really any veggies in it. No meat, unless it is soft and ground without any seasoning on it. I can have soft cheese, but not too much, because cheese is hard to digest if you have too much. I can't have dairy either. Chocolate burns my ulcer. My precious coffee is also out. I am dying inside. The coffee pot is glaring at me because I won't play with it.
Obviously, I am going crazy from lack of food. This is complete bullshit. Did I mention what I ate yesterday? About 1/2 a cup of rice three different times yesterday. Three shortbread cookies. One little tiny Yoplait yogurt. And water. Water be damned, I say.
So in closing, I am absurdly hungry, I am pissed off and cranky, I do not want to go to the doctor for fear she is going to tell me to keep up this bullshit low residue diet and make me go put stuff up my ass and down my throat, and I have a wonderful husband that wants me to get better and loves me even though I am defective.