Sunday, January 27, 2008

Best of the Worst; Part Deux

Let me start by saying, I fucking hate those stupid Cambell Soup commercials with that jerkoff eating soup. Really, canned soup tastes like shit. Get off your lazy ass and make your own, you stupid fucking moron. Ugh.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

Another job I had while in college was at Arby's. This was a job that only lasted 2 weeks, and I quit it to work at the hotel. The worst thing about Arby's is the smell that never seems to go away. I reaked like fake roast beef and no amount of soap washed it away. I would shower for an hour, scrubbing a couple of layers of skin off and I still stunk. Plus, I found I have no patience for stupid people. During lunch rush, people could stand in line for sometimes 10 minutes. When you are in line, don't you check out the menu and make your decision before you get to the counter? I do. Anyway, this old couple (who came in regularly) would be in line, chatting away like, and get to the counter and THEN check out the menu. They would take 5 minutes alone just standing there asking what was good, what was in what, then another few minutes ordering. The line was usually so backed up, it was trailing outside. We were losing customers for these two old fuckers who would spend less than $5. After the 4th day in a row of doing this, I had had it. I noticed them in line, and very loudly made an announcement that people should PLEASE check out the menu and be ready to order when they reached the counter in order to quicken the order process. This helped with other people, but not these people. Apparently, they were too cheap to buy batteries for their hearing aids or something, because they pulled the same shit again. I just looked at them and not so kindly said "If you don't know what you want, go back in line so I can help people who do know." They were appalled and said they actually did know what they wanted. I said fine and asked what they wanted. "Um, what is in the blah blah again?" and I just made an Ugg noise and said "You need to get the hell out of the line and figure out what you want. Nothing has changed since yesterday, nothing will ever change. Now step away from the counter and let someone who knows what the hell they want order." Apparently, my boss was standing behind me and pulled me aside. She asked what the hell that was about, and I explained that for the fourth day in a row, this old fucking couple had pulled this shit. I was sick of it, and we were losing customers because they were too stupid to read a menu. She told me I was not allowed to talk to customers that way and if I couldn't control my words, I wouldn't be allowed to work the counter. Oh no, lose the opportunity of talking to dipshit people. But since I needed the job to keep up my drinking habit, I obeyed. For now. From then on, the old fuckers went into someone else's line, but guess what, they always knew what they wanted when they got to the counter. About a week later, a group of families came in and ordered about 5 orders of 5 for 5. Great, easy. They had a little girl who was no older than 4 with them, and they were smart enough to send her up to the counter to ask for a cup of boiling water for tea. I said she would need to send one of her parents up to the counter because I didn't want to risk her spilling it and becoming one of those kids people stare at. She walked away crying, which sent her parents into a small rage. They demanded to know why I wouldn't give their little girl the glass of hot water? Um, really? I mean, I was no parent or anything, but I knew why giving a little kid a glass of boiling water was a bad idea. I told them my reason, and they said their daughter was going through a very independent stage, and they allowed her to figure things out on their own. I was like, "whatever" and handed their little demon a large cup of boiling water. Guess what, that little bitch spilled it all over herself and the floor. The parents were screaming over their daughter, telling us to call 911. My manager was pissed at me and wanted to know why I stupidly handed a little child a glass of hot water. I told her the reason, and said that I had refused to do so until they parents demanded I hand her the glass. I told her the parents were right there when I gave her the glass and she said I still shouldn't have done so. She sent me home for the evening, which was fine with me. I mean, I had drinking to do and friends to see. Leaving early gave me an extra hour in the shower to scrub away a few extra layers of skin and marinate myself in lotion and perfume. The next day, I didn't show up for my shift. I just couldn't stand the thought of dealing with people or stinking another day. Plus, I found out I had gotten the job at the hotel and would be making $2 more an hour. It sounded better (little did I know) and I wasn't required to wear a uniform either. Score! I went in the following day because it was payday, handed over their tacky shirts, got my paycheck and told them I quit. They actually asked for a reason. I told them "I hate having dogs run after me because of the shitty roast beef smell that won't come off my body, I don't like people that much, and I didn't like anyone I worked with. Chao!" and I never went back. It's been 11 years, and I am finally at the point that I can eat there. I don't often because the smell is just too much.

11 comments:

minijonb said...

oh my god! i know that Arby's smell all too well. i guess i've just eaten there too much.

that was an awesome reason for why you quit. nice story!

Lizzle said...

One of my best friends got pregnant, and she couldn't be anywhere within a 70 yard radius of anyone consuming Arby's... It literally made her vomit... We'd struggle with whether or not to roll windows up or down when driving past the joint, because the stench would get into the car one way or another. We decided on windows up as we pass, and down after passing to evacuate the odor as quickly as possible.

(I've heard lots of people say that working at Starbucks is the same way, because while coffee smells nice and all, that scalded milk smell seeps into your pores.)

Amanda said...

When I was about 10 my mom had to take me by Greyhound bus from LA to Minneapolis because I refused to get on a plane. Halfway into the trip we stopped at an Arby's. I had an Albuequrque Turkey sandwich. Within an hour my stomach exploded into bodily fireworks and didn't stop for 2 days. Having food poisoning on a bus with it coming out both ends is not the most ideal way to travel. I don't recall eating Arby's ever again.

Yoda said...

Good for you that you quit. I could never handle a job that required me dealing with morons. I have no patience with dipshits AT ALL!

And believe it or not, I've never eaten at Arby's.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I had an ex that worked at a Fast Food restaurant. She constantly smelled that way, too. I always think of her when I go there.

I can deal with the smell much better than I can deal with stupidity!

Glad you found your way out!

captain corky said...

I worked at Roy Rogers and it sucked ass. Fast food joints are the worst. I do like roast beef sandwiches from Arby's even if they give me the shits as soon as I'm done eating them. ;)

Effortlessly Average said...

Good lord woman, haven't you ever heard of a paragraph?! heh.

Thankfully, I escaped ever having to work fast food. But I had a brother who worked at KFC back when it was still called Kentucky Fried Chicken and let me tell you, it took me years to eat at one of those places again after watching them "cure" deck shoes by dropping them in the deep frier or having chicken food fights.

random moments said...

ahahahaha!! Great post Christy!!! I love hearing about other people's fucked up jobs. Makes me feel normal.

Oh, and I wish I had that mouth of yours. I'd love to rip stupid people a new a hole.

Crankyputz said...

your too funny.

So have you ever eaten at Arby's since???

Beth said...

god, I would love working with you.....

M-M-M-Mishy said...

I am happy to say that I have only consumed Arby's once and it was less than half of my order. Im pretty sure it was 98% sodium.

I worked at a Tim Hortons in high school. I smelled like stale coffee and greasy donuts for four years.